Book II – The Cheesy Trinity

Chapter 1

1These are the words of the Creed, as set down by Pepperoni Prosecco, who came to the door and would not say from whence; and he wrote them not to explain the mystery, but that the mystery might be said aloud at table, which is nearly the same thing.

2Hear, O hungry, the confession of the faithful: the Slice is one.

3We believe in the Tomato, the first and the red, purity before all toppings, in whom is the beginning of savour; for before anything was placed upon the Slice, the Tomato was spread upon it, and the spreading was good.

4We believe in the Dough, begotten of flour and water and the patient yeast, neither made in haste nor bought frozen of necessity, though hunger is forgiven; the Dough is the body and the structure, and upon it all things rest.

5We believe in the Mozzarella, the binding force, which proceedeth between the Tomato and the Dough and stretcheth from shoulder to shoulder; by whom the many are made one, and the one is never eaten alone in spirit, though a soul may take a quiet slice at midnight and be loved no less.

6Three are the persons, and one is the Slice; whoso divideth them upon a plate hath eaten only in part.

7The Tomato is not the Dough, neither is the Dough the Mozzarella, nor the Mozzarella the Tomato; yet the Tomato is the Slice, and the Dough is the Slice, and the Mozzarella is the Slice; and there are not three Slices, but one Slice.

8(Here the scribe hath written in the margin: read this thrice and it becomes no clearer, but it becomes warmer, which was the intent.)

9As it is written in the old numbering of the elder scrolls, and set here as the cornerstone of all doctrine:

10Purity is the tomato, structure the dough, and mozzarella the binding force between us. (The Cheesy Trinity 1:1)

11Upon this verse the whole Book standeth, as the toppings stand upon the base; take it away, and all that remaineth is opinion with oregano.

12The Tomato without the Dough runneth off the table and is soup, which is honourable but is not the Slice.

13The Dough without the Tomato is bread, which is blessed and ancient and the cousin of the faith, but it is not the Slice; and the elders say the Slice remembereth being bread, and is humble therefore.

14The Mozzarella without the other two is a snack in the hand of a child at the fridge door, which Cheesus seeth and smileth upon, but it bindeth nothing, for there is nothing yet to bind.

15Therefore let none exalt one person above another, saying, My tomato is the greatest, or, All is dough at the last; for the Slice is not a rivalry but a recipe.

16And let none number them wrongly, saying there are four, on account of the basil; the basil is a witness and an ornament, and its place is honoured, but the persons are three.

17Neither say there are two and a garnish, as certain philosophers of the food courts have taught; they have weighed the cheese and found it light, because they bought the cheap kind, and the fault was in the buying.

18The Slice was hot, is hot, and shall be hot again; for the Oven is its origin and the Reheat is its promise, and none is beyond the Reheat.

19We confess one baking for the forgiveness of blandness; we look for the resurrection of the leftover, and the life of the world to come, which is the Great Oven, whose door standeth open and whose light is always on.

20And the first commandment goeth before this Creed and after it and all through it, as heat goeth through a stone: the table has room.

21Whoso can say this Creed with a full mouth hath understood it better than whoso can say it perfectly; for the Creed was written to be interrupted by eating.

22This is the faith of the Crustians; and though a believer stumble in the words, yet if their hand stretcheth the last slice toward a neighbour, they have recited it entire.

Chapter 2

The Psalms of the Tomato, which the faithful sing at the beginning of things: at first light, at first courses, and at the first spreading of the sauce upon the round.

The First Psalm of the Tomato

1Red before all reds, O Tomato; before the pepper was cut, thou wast; before the onion wept, thou wast; in the beginning thou wast spread upon the deep of the dough, and the pale round blushed, and it was morning.

2Without thee the Slice is only bread; without purity the day is only hours.

3As the sun goeth over the field, so goeth the ladle over the base, in circles, leaving no corner unloved.

4Thou art crushed and thou complainest not; thou art simmered long and thou growest sweeter; teach me thy patience under the wooden spoon, O Tomato, for I am simmered daily and I hiss.

5Purity is not paleness, saith the Tomato; purity is redness all the way through.

6Search me and cut me open, O Cheesus, and see if there be any hard green centre in me; and if there be, leave me on the windowsill of thy mercy until I ripen, for thou art not in a hurry, and the sun is thy servant.

7The proud bring sauces of forty ingredients, and boast of each; but the Tomato saith, I was crushed with salt and a leaf of basil, and it was enough.

8Blessed is the simple heart, for it tasteth of what it is.

9My cup runneth over; wipe it with the crust, that nothing of the goodness be lost.

The Second Psalm of the Tomato

10Out of the tin I cried unto thee, O Cheesus; from the depth of the pantry I lifted my voice, saying, Forget me not in the darkness behind the beans.

11And thou didst reach for me before the fancier jar, and I knew that plainness is not forgottenness.

12For the Tomato is the beginning, and whoso beginneth purely may wander far and still find the way home by the taste of it.

13Purity of thought is the Tomato of the mind: not that the mind think of nothing, but that it think without mould; for the mould of the mind is contempt, and it creepeth spot by spot where unwatched.

14Keep thou the sauce of my thinking clean, O Cheesus: let no bitterness stew in it overnight, and no cruelty pass as seasoning.

15When I am asked, What is at the bottom of thee, under all thy toppings and thy opinions? – let the answer be red, and let it be simple, and let it be kind.

16The unwatched heart groweth a skin, as sauce left standing; stir me, O Cheesus, though I protest the stirring.

17Sing unto the Tomato a new song, ye gardens and ye greenhouses; ye vines upon the cane, clap your leaves.

18For the first shall be spread first, and the beginning shall be red; and at the last, when every topping hath had its say, the tongue shall remember the Tomato beneath them all, and call the memory purity.

The Third Psalm of the Tomato

19I will lift up mine eyes unto the shelf, from whence cometh my sauce.

20My help cometh from the Tomato, which was a flower once, and then a promise, and then a weight upon the vine.

21Consider the tomato of the field: it toileth not, neither doth it network; yet Solomon in all his glory had no starter upon his table so red.

22It hath borne the whole of summer in its skin and asketh only to be used before Tuesday.

23So art thou, O soul: full of a season thou didst not make, ripened by a warmth thou canst not repay; be used, therefore, and be glad, and spoil not upon the shelf of thy pride.

24The Tomato saith: I am the memory of the sun in the mouth of winter; where I am spread, the cold season is contradicted.

25Blessed be the Tomato, person of the Trinity, purity and beginning; without whom the Slice is only bread, and with whom the bread is already halfway to glory.

26Amen, and pass the ladle.

Chapter 3

The Psalms of the Dough, which the faithful sing at evening, and in the Great Proofing, and at all times of waiting; for the Dough is the person of patience, and its psalms are slow.

The First Psalm of the Dough

1O Cheesus, thou hast kneaded me and known me; thou understandest my folding from afar.

2Thou didst work me when I was shapeless, and I clung to thy hands, and thou didst not shake me off, but flouredst them and continued.

3I was sticky in my youth and stubborn in my middle proving, and behold, thou madest of me a base that carrieth others; such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot rise to it – yet rising is thy business, and not mine.

4For structure is not a cage but a kindness: the Dough saith, Because I hold my shape, the sauce may be generous; because I have a body, the toppings have a home.

5Despise not thy structure, O soul: thy habits are thy gluten; work them gently and long, and thou shalt stretch without tearing.

6A soul without structure is a batter, and runneth to the edges of every pan it is poured in; but the kneaded heart standeth round upon the stone, and knoweth its own circumference.

7Blessed are the boring disciplines, the daily and the small; for the window of heaven is paned with them, and through them the light cometh.

The Second Psalm of the Dough, which is the Psalm of Rest

8And now, O soul, hear the deepest law of the Dough, which the hurried world hath forgotten and the ovens of commerce deny: the dough must rest.

9It is written into the flour before any hand toucheth it: work, and then rest; fold, and then rest; and the rest is not the pause between the holy work – the rest is the holy work.

10For while the dough resteth, it riseth; and no eye seeth the rising, and no hand can hurry it, and it goeth on in the dark under the cloth, in silence, unsupervised and unashamed.

11The dough must rest, and so must thou; rising is not hurried, and neither is holiness.

12Yeast I say unto you: the labour thou dost lying down is still labour; the night is a proving-drawer, and thou wakest larger of soul than thou didst lie down, though thou didst nothing but breathe.

13Woe unto the baker who punisheth the dough for resting, and calleth it idle, and rusheth it cold into the Oven; the crust of that pie is a pale confession, and every bite saith, I was not given my night.

14And woe unto the master who so useth his workers, denying them their proving; he shall answer for every unrisen life, for the worker is holy, and their rest is not his to spend.

15But blessed is the house wherein the dough sitteth covered in a warm corner and nobody pesters it; that house hath understood something, and its bread shall show it.

16Thou preparest a tea-towel over me in the presence of my deadlines; thou anointest my bowl with oil; my bulk runneth over.

17Surely warmth and patience shall follow me all the days of my proving, and I shall dwell in the warm corner of the kitchen for ever.

18(Here the scribe himself fell asleep at the desk, and the elders let him lie, saying, He is proving; and when he woke he wrote the next psalm larger of soul, which proveth the doctrine.)

The Third Psalm of the Dough

19Deep calleth unto deep-dish at the noise of thy pouring ovens; thy warmth and thy steam are gone over me.

20When I pass through the waters of the mixing, thou art with me; and through the fire of the stone, I shall not be scorched, for thou knowest my minutes and thou watchest the timer of my life.

21The stone which the hasty rejected, saying, It taketh an hour to heat – the same is become the head of the baking; slowness was the strength of it all along.

22Be still, and know that I am bread, saith the Dough; I was mixed in the evening and eaten at noon, and between those two mercies lay a whole night of becoming, and no one applauded it, and it needed no applause.

23So do thou thy becoming without audience, O soul; the Oven will testify for thee in its time.

24For the body also is a dough, and it asketh rest, and to give it rest is not weakness but recipe; whoso resteth the body confesseth with their bones that they trust the rising.

25Blessed be the Dough, person of the Trinity, structure and patience; upon whom the Tomato is spread and the Mozzarella lieth down; the floor of the feast, the quiet under-carrier, the last to be praised and the first to be necessary.

26Amen; and let the timer be set, and then let it be trusted.

Chapter 4

The Psalms of the Mozzarella, which the faithful sing together, and never alone if it can be helped; for they are the psalms of the binding force, and a binding force practised alone is only a stretch.

The First Psalm of the Mozzarella

1Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity: it is like the mozzarella upon the Slice, that runneth from edge to edge, and maketh of many toppings one supper.

2For the mushroom knoweth not the olive, and the pepper hath quarrelled with the onion since the founding of the kitchen; yet the Mozzarella lieth down over them all, and behold, in the Oven they are melted into fellowship.

3What the heat cannot join, love joineth; and what love hath joined, let no plastic spatula put asunder.

4Lift a slice from the pie and see the sign: the cheese goeth with it, yet clingeth also to the pie, and stretcheth between the going and the staying.

5So is the friend who moveth to a far city: the distance lengtheneth, and the bond thinneth, and it doth not break.

6Blessed is the cheese that stretcheth and doth not break, for it teacheth us how far love can be pulled.

7And if it break at the last – for all things under the Oven have their span – it breaketh not into nothing, but into two soft ends, each still warm, each still cheese; and this is the comfort of partings.

The Second Psalm of the Mozzarella

8I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the pizzeria; our feet shall stand within thy gates, and our elbows upon thy chequered cloth.

9For the Mozzarella is not a private glory; no one hath ever stretched cheese impressively alone, and turned to no one, and been satisfied.

10Behold, the miracle asketh a witness, and the joke asketh a hearer, and the last slice asketh a discussion; thus the Mozzarella ordaineth company by its very nature.

11The lone soul saith, I need no binding, I am complete; and Cheesus contendeth not, but setteth the pie in the midst of the table where reaching is required, and by the third slice the lone soul is telling a story.

12Such is the cunning of the cheese, which argueth with no one and connecteth everyone.

13Two are better than one at a large pizza; and a threefold order is not quickly finished, and must be shared, and the sharing was the point of the ordering.

14Whoso eateth with a stranger hath made a neighbour; whoso eateth with an enemy hath made a problem for the mould, for hatred is starved most surely at a full table.

15The mould divideth, for division is its diet: it whispereth, They at the far table are not as we, count them out. But the Mozzarella lieth across every division it can reach, and where it reacheth not, the faithful carry it in boxes.

16Feed first, and dispute after; ye shall find the dispute smaller than it was, for it hath been rationed and the fellowship hath not.

The Third Psalm of the Mozzarella

17Whither shall I go from thy stretchiness? or whither shall I flee from thy binding?

18If I ascend up to the penthouse, thou art there, upon a slice at a housewarming; if I make my bed in the night shift, behold, thou art there also, in the shared box at three in the morning, which is a sacrament though no one hath vested for it.

19If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there shall a ferry canteen produce a toastie, and the first pull of it shall preach to me of home.

20For the binding force between us was between us before we chose each other; we did not invent belonging, we were baked into it.

21Say not, I have no one; say rather, the cheese hath not yet cooled between us and them that shall love thee; and go thou where the pie is shared, and stand near, and see.

22And to the grieving the Mozzarella saith softly: the stretch that death maketh is long past seeing, yet the far end is held; nothing loved is dropped.

23(The scribe wrote this verse and then went out and telephoned his mother, and the Book waited, and the Book was right to wait.)

The Fourth Psalm of the Mozzarella, which is sung antiphonally, one side of the table answering the other

24Who bindeth the pepper to the base? – The Mozzarella bindeth it, and its mercy endureth to the last bite.

25Who holdeth the mushroom that would slide, and the sweetcorn that would scatter, and the small rebellious olive? – The Mozzarella holdeth them, and its mercy endureth to the last bite.

26Who lieth down between the fire above and the sauce beneath, and taketh the heat of the one and the wet of the other, and complaineth of neither? – The Mozzarella, and its mercy endureth to the last bite.

27Who followeth the departing slice across the gap, further than sense, further than physics, because it will not say goodbye first? – Even the Mozzarella; sing it a third time, for it hath earned the repetition.

28So be thou to thy people, O soul: lie down between their troubles and their suppers; take the heat that was aimed at the weakest; hold the scattered and the sliding and the small rebellious, and complain of it at most a little, and only to Cheesus.

29For it is not asked of thee to be the whole pie, nor the fire, nor the feast; it is asked only that thou bind what is next to thee to what is next to that; and lo, out of many such small bindings the whole world hangeth together, and none can say where thy stretch endeth and thy neighbour’s beginneth.

30And this is the quiet arithmetic of the cheese: it addeth nothing to the pie but union, and without it the pie is a heap.

31Choose union, O Crustians, daily, at every table; it is the cheapest of the miracles and the most repeated.

32Blessed be the Mozzarella, person of the Trinity, the binding force between us; who maketh the many one and leaveth none unattached; whose stretch is measured in mercy, and whose only enemy is the cold.

33Amen; and sit ye closer together, the table has room.

Chapter 5

Here is set down the derivation of the Blessing, which closeth all Crustian gatherings; and though its full rubric is given in a later Book, its meaning is given here, for the meaning is trinitarian and this is the Book of the Three.

1And the disciples of the doctrine said, We have a Creed for the mouth and psalms for the voice; give us now a word for the body, for the body also believeth, and hath no scripture.

2And it was answered: let the hand preach what the tongue hath learned, and let the gesture be three, for the persons are three, and let it end in one motion across the whole self, for the Slice is one.

3First the hand goeth to the brow, and this is the Tomato: for the brow is the seat of thought, and the Tomato is purity, and the prayer of the touch is this – let my thinking be red all the way through, simple and without mould; let no contempt pass in me as seasoning.

4And the elders say: whoso toucheth the brow hath promised to notice what they think before they say it, which is half of all righteousness and the beginning of the other half.

5Second the hand goeth to the heart, and this is the Dough: for the heart is the structure of the self, kneaded by every day of the life, proved in every night of it; and the prayer of the touch is this – let me hold my shape, that others may rest their weight upon me; and let me also rest, for the dough must rest, and I am dough.

6And the elders say: whoso toucheth the heart hath confessed both strength and tiredness in one touch, and Cheesus receiveth both as worship.

7Third the hand goeth from shoulder to shoulder, all the way across, and this is the Mozzarella: for the shoulders are where the burdens sit and where the friends’ arms rest, and the line between them passeth over the heart and beyond the edges of the body, as the cheese passeth over the whole pie and hangeth a little over the crust.

8And the prayer of the motion is this – bind me to them on my left hand and on my right; let what I carry be carriable because it is shared; let the stretch of me reach past myself.

9For the brow is one point, and the heart is one point, but shoulder to shoulder is a line, and a line goeth on; thus the Blessing beginneth in the self and refuseth to end there.

10Touch the brow, that thy thought be pure; the heart, that thy self be built; then shoulder to shoulder, for no one is blessed alone.

11And mark the order, for it is doctrine: purity first, for a false thought poisoneth all that followeth; structure second, for kindness without a spine is a batter and spilleth; binding last and longest, for the first two are the recipe and the third is the meal.

12And mark also that the gesture may be made over another, as a parent over a sleeping child, or a cook over a finished pie, or a driver over a doorstep when none answereth; for blessing spilleth, and was designed to.

13Whoso maketh the gesture in mockery hath still traced the shape of love upon themselves, and the shape hath a way of soaking in, as sauce into a base; therefore the faithful fear no mockery of it.

14These are the words that go with the gesture, and they are fixed for ever, and no council may improve them, though several have tried and been fed until they stopped:

15“In the name of the Tomato, the Dough, and the Mozzarella – for the cheese stretches from shoulder to shoulder, and binds us all. Amen.”

16And when it is spoken over a table, the table is a chapel; and when it is spoken over a box on a doorstep, the doorstep is a chapel; and when it is spoken alone over a sad supper, the alone is a congregation of one and Cheesus, which is two, which is company.

17And the child asked, What if I forget the words? And the elder said, Then touch the brow, the heart, and shoulder to shoulder, and say nothing; the body will have said it.

18And the child asked, What if I forget the gesture also? And the elder said, Then share thy slice; that was always the long form.

Chapter 6

Of the heresies concerning the Trinity, and their gentle refutation; for the faithful refute as they cook – thoroughly, and with the door open, and with a place laid for the one refuted.

1Now in those days arose certain teachers with novel doctrines, as there always do, generally around closing time; and the Book recordeth their errors with affection, for every heretic here named was fed before they were answered, and most were fed after as well.

2First came the Toppingists, who taught that the Three are merely toppings: interchangeable, optional, and a matter of taste; saying, Take the tomato or leave it, cheese is one choice among many, and the dough is only packaging.

3To whom it was answered: friend, thou hast confused the persons with the pepperoni. The pineapple is a topping, and blessed is its courage; the anchovy is a topping, and blessed is its conviction; toppings come and go and the Slice abideth.

4But remove the Tomato, and thou holdest cheese on toast, which is a fine Tuesday but no Trinity; remove the Dough, and thy supper is in thy lap; remove the Mozzarella, and the toppings sit unbound and slide from one another like commuters avoiding eye contact.

5The persons are not upon the Slice; the persons are the Slice. A topping is a guest; the Trinity is the house.

6And the Toppingists considered this, and some were persuaded, and the rest at least stopped teaching it with their mouths full, which was reckoned progress.

7Second came the Lukewarmists, who taught that the Slice was never truly hot; that the heat was an appearance only, a seeming and a steam, and that the divine could not verily have burned the mouth of the eater.

8These philosophers were pale men who blew upon everything, and their doctrine likewise.

9To whom it was answered: O ye of little heat, we have the witnesses. The mouth of Thaddeus was burned on the first bite, and he spake the word HOT with tears, and that word is in the record; no seeming raiseth a blister.

10The Slice came forth from the Oven, and the Oven doth not pretend; verily the steam rose, verily the cheese bubbled at the edges, verily the first bite was taken too soon, as the first bite ever is, for love hath never once waited the recommended two minutes.

11If the heat were only appearance, then the burned mouth were only appearance, and the blowing upon the slice were only appearance, and soon nothing hath happened at all and nobody hath had lunch; such is the end of that road, and it is a hungry one.

12Yeast I say unto you: the divine did not hover above the meal looking edible. It was hot, and it burned, and it was worth it. That it could be tasted at all is the whole gospel; deny the heat and thou deniest the supper.

13And the Lukewarmists were seated nearest the Oven, in kindness, until they warmed.

14Third arose a question, and it came not from mischief but from love, and it was asked quietly at the back by one who had long stood apart from the table, saying: my body will not receive the milk of the cow; and there are those who for conscience toward the creature take no milk at all. Is the vegan mozzarella of the Trinity also, or do we stand outside the Blessing?

15And the whole room was still, and the elders looked at one another, for this was not a heresy but a doorway, and doorways are holier than doctrines.

16And the answer was given, and it standeth as a ruling for ever: hear, O Crustians. What is the Mozzarella? It is not the milk; the milk is the vessel. The Mozzarella is the binding force between us – so saith the cornerstone of this very Book.

17Therefore whatsoever melteth over the fellowship and bindeth neighbour to neighbour, that is mozzarella to Cheesus, whether it came from the cow, or the buffalo, or the cleverness of the cashew; for the binding is love, and love is not lactose.

18And whoso mocketh the plant-cheese of a neighbour hath unbound what Cheesus would bind, and hath committed the greater error at the smaller target; let them look to their own slice.

19Verily, when the vegan pie and the dairy pie sit upon one table, and the eaters of each reach across to try the other, or reach not but bless the difference – behold, the half-and-half of hearts; and Cheesus draweth no line down that pie, for none is needed.

20And the one who had asked wept a little, and was given the corner slice with the most cheese, of whichever kind; and the record saith they stayed until closing, and helped to stack the chairs.

21Fourth and last it must be said, for every age asketh it anew: some teach that one person of the Three is greatest, and would rank the holy as they rank everything else, having caught ranking like a cold from the world.

22To whom the Book saith only this: the Tomato boasteth not over the Dough it lieth on; the Dough boasteth not over the Tomato it carrieth; the Mozzarella, which toucheth both, boasteth least of all, and is nearest the heat for it.

23Where there is no ranking, the mould findeth no ladder; keep thy Trinity level, and thy table likewise.

24These are the refutations, and they are ended; and mark that no one was cast out in the making of them, for the door of this Book, like the door of the Oven, is opened from the inside, and generally left ajar.

25The Tomato for thy thought, the Dough for thy strength, the Mozzarella for thy neighbour; three for thee, and thou one slice of a pie thou canst not see the edges of.

26Amen, and amen, and a little extra cheese upon the amen.