As with all great faiths, Crustianity has endured its trials and its schisms. The first great rupture came when Pineapple was revealed unto the world. Later, alternative diets arose, challenging the very foundations of dough and cheese. Though our houses are divided, our crust remains whole.
Three great sects arose: Crustolicism, Orthocrust, and Calzonism. Though they differ, they share one sacred truth: that pizza is the holiest of meals, and that no soul should go without a slice.
Crustolicism
The seekers of balance. Any two toppings that complement one another are meant to be together. They uphold harmony and inclusion, embracing variety as a sacred virtue.
Orthocrust
The defenders of tradition, unwavering in devotion to the ancient ways of Italian pizza. For them, the Margherita is the One True Slice, and all deviation is culinary heresy.
Calzonism
The devout purists, emerging from Orthocrust, who believe pizza must remain untainted by foreign influence – and who revere the sacred Fold above all.
What Each Sect Eats
The sects were born of one line spoken on the Mount – “what will sit upon it, put upon it; what will not, fold within; and in all things, keep the Slice true” – and each took a different clause home to dinner. Orthocrust keeps the Slice true: traditional Italian pizza only, the Margherita above all. Crustolicism puts upon it: every topping and every style is welcome at the table. Calzonism, the strictest of the three, folds within: Italian style only, folded where possible, and – against the ruling of the wider church – no gluten-free, citing “Let no dough be false”. The church notes, gently, that the Council of Naples has ruled and the table has room.
Consult the full Pizza Guide → · Read the Schism of the Slice