Crustianity Crustianity

The Church of Crustianity

Crustolicism – the Broad Church

The First Sect · founded by Saint Supreme

Crustolicism

“What will sit upon it, put upon it.”

Of the one line Cheesus spoke on the Mount, the Crustolicists carried home the widest clause – and built the widest table. Saint Supreme, their founder, looked upon the pizza that bears every topping at once and called it not a mess but a congregation. Their proof-text is the Gospel’s own: “Every topping has a place, just as every soul has value in Cheesus’ eyes.” (Crustolicism 2:1)

🍕 Their Table

Everything is permitted, joyfully: deep dish and dessert pizza, Hawaiian and gluten-free, vegan mozzarella and the humble Margherita. They uphold the Council of Naples in full: the table is measured by its welcome, not its menu.

✨ Their Virtue

Welcome. No one has ever left a Crustolicist table hungry, unblessed, or unargued-with. Their congregations run most of the faith’s community ovens and long tables.

🌗 Their Shadow

The other sects say the Crustolicists would bless anything that fits in an oven – and once, at the Council of the Deep Dish, they very nearly did.

Read their founding in the Schism of the Slice · consult the Pizza Guide · or take the Sect Quiz.