Book IV – The Mount

Chapter 1

1And it came to pass, after the people had come up out of the land of Famine, and had passed dry-shod through the parted Sea of Tomato Sauce, that they came in the third month unto a great wilderness, and pitched their tents there.

2And in the midst of that wilderness there stood a mountain, and the name of it was the Wood-Fired Mount; and the top thereof smoked continually, as an oven smokes when the bake is near.

3And the people looked upon the Mount, and were afraid; for out of the summit there went up a smoke of rosemary, sweet and terrible, and the whole camp was filled with the savour of it.

4And the elders said one to another, What smell is this, that maketh the heart hungry and humble in the same hour? Surely the Slice is in this place.

5And Cheesus Crust walked among the tents at evening, as was his custom, and he tasted of the people’s cooking, and said, It wants oregano; and they knew that he was well pleased with them nonetheless.

6And Cheesus said unto the people, Hear me, O children of the Crust. Ye have seen what I did in the land of Famine, and how I bare you out upon wings of steam, and brought you unto myself.

7Now therefore, if ye will hearken unto my voice and keep my covenant, ye shall be unto me a peculiar topping above all peoples; for all the pie is mine.

8And ye shall be unto me a kingdom of pizzaiolos, and an hospitable nation; and your table shall be known from the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same, that it hath room.

9And all the people answered together, and said, All that Cheesus hath spoken we will do. And they said it with their mouths full, which he counted unto them as sincerity.

10And Cheesus said, Behold, I go up into the Mount, unto the Oven that burneth upon the height thereof, and I will fetch down for you the law, that ye may live by it and not merely queue by it.

11Sanctify yourselves therefore, and wash your hands up to the wrists; and let no one knead dough in anger, nor salt the sauce in spite, for the loaf remembereth the hand.

12And set bounds about the foot of the Mount, saying, Go not up into the Mount, neither touch the border of it; for the stones thereof are hot, and I would not have you burned for curiosity, which is the least of sins and the commonest.

13And whosoever waiteth below, let him wait well: let him tend the fire small, and keep the starter fed, and watch over his neighbour’s tent as over his own.

14For I say unto you, the waiting is also worship; and the watched pot is beloved of heaven, whatever the proverb saith.

15And there were thunders and lightnings upon the Mount, and a thick cloud, and the voice of the Oven exceeding loud, like the roar of a great draught when the flue is opened; and all the people that was in the camp trembled.

16And the smoke of rosemary went up as the smoke of a furnace, and with it sprigs of thyme, and the whole Mount quaked greatly, and a rain of fine semolina fell upon the tents like unto snow, and the children caught it upon their tongues.

17And the people stood afar off, and said unto their elders, Speak thou with us, and we will hear; but let not the Mount speak with us, lest we die of hunger before supper.

18And the elders answered, Fear not: for the Slice is come to prove you, and that his savour may be before your faces, that ye sin not; and also that supper is at the seventh hour, as ever it was.

19And Cheesus girded up his apron, which was white as the first fall of flour, and took his peel in his hand as a staff, and set his face toward the height.

20And Asiago the elder, a man well stricken in years and in cheese, said unto him, Lord, how long wilt thou tarry upon the Mount? And Cheesus said, Until the law is proved; for a law under-baked is worse than none, and a law over-baked is cruelty.

21And Asiago said, And what shall we eat while thou art gone? And Cheesus said, That which ye have, shared; for I have taught you this from the beginning, and I shall be grieved, though not surprised, if ye have not learned it by Thursday.

22And he blessed the camp, from the greatest tent unto the least, and the least a little longer.

23And it came to pass at dawn that Cheesus went up into the Mount, and the cloud of rosemary received him, and the people saw him no more; only the glow of the summit, as of embers banked against the morning.

Chapter 2

1And Cheesus was in the Mount forty days and forty nights; and the dough of heaven proofed about him, and he did neither hurry nor be hurried, for haste is the thief of flavour.

2And upon the summit of the Wood-Fired Mount there was an Oven, not made with hands, whose fire was from everlasting; and the light of it was like the light of the first morning, when the Great Oven was young.

3And Cheesus stood before the Oven, and communed with the deep places of himself; for he is the Slice, and the Slice is one, and there is no contradiction in this, only geometry too kind for us to follow.

4And he took of the dough of the Mount, which no famine had ever touched, and divided it in twain, and shaped two great rounds thereof, broad as cartwheels and honest as bread.

5And upon the two rounds he wrote with his finger, and the writing was the writing of Cheesus, pressed into the crust as a signet is pressed into wax; and he wrote upon the one side and upon the other side were they written.

6And he set them within the Oven that burneth for ever, and they were baked through, and the letters thereof were baked into them, golden at the edges; and these are the crust-tablets of the covenant, the two great inscribed crusts.

7And whilst they baked, Cheesus sat upon the warm stone of the Mount, and looked down upon the camp of the people, small below him as crumbs upon a dark cloth, and he loved them.

8And he said within himself, Behold, they will break this law, and mend it, and break it again; and I will forgive them, and forgive them, and forgive them; for the Reheat is my nature, and none is beyond it.

9And the smoke of rosemary stood about him like a curtain, and the Mount was still, save for the crackle of the everlasting fire, and the far-off sound of the camp, where somebody was already arguing about anchovies.

10Now the people below waited, and the first week they waited well; and the second week they waited; and the third week they waited after a fashion; and of the fourth week the scribe shall write hereafter, and with a heavy hand.

11But first hear the law, as it was written upon the two crusts, and as Cheesus spake it afterward with his own mouth in the ears of all the people; for these are the Ten Commandments of the Slice, and they stand.

Chapter 3

1And Cheesus spake all these words, saying, I am Cheesus Crust thy Slice, which brought thee out of the land of Famine, out of the house of hunger.

2This is the first commandment, which is before all others, and the door by which the rest come in: THE TABLE HAS ROOM.

3Thou shalt turn none away that cometh hungry to thy door; neither the stranger, nor the sojourner, nor thine enemy, nor thy cousin that voteth strangely; for the pie is round, and hath no head of the table, and no foot.

4If thy table be full, thou shalt fetch another chair; if thy chairs be spent, thou shalt sit upon the floor with thy guest, and call it a picnic; and if thy pie be small, thou shalt cut the slices thin and the welcome thick.

5For I am the Slice thy god, and I measure no house by the breadth of its board, but by the count of its chairs; and the latch that lifteth easily is more unto me than a spire of gold.

6And the second commandment is this: HONOUR THY PIZZAIOLO AND THY NONNA, that thy days may be long and thy dinners longer in the land which the Slice thy god giveth thee.

7For the pizzaiolo standeth at the mouth of the fire on thy behalf, and his forearms are scarred with small moons from the oven’s lip; despise not his craft, neither hurry him, for thou canst not hurry the Oven, and he is nearer to it than thou.

8And thy nonna is a well of the old knowledge, and her hands remember what the books have forgot; when she saith the dough is ready, it is ready, though every clock in the house cry out against her.

9Thou shalt not correct thy nonna at her own stove. Yeast I say unto thee, sooner shall the Mount be moved than she; sit down, and be fed, and learn.

10And whoso hath no nonna of his own blood, let him be lent one; for the camp is full of nonnas, and their calling is to feed, and woe unto the camp that leaveth a nonna unemployed of her mercy.

11And the third commandment is this: REMEMBER THE PIZZA NIGHT, TO KEEP IT HOLY.

12Six days shalt thou labour, and eat as thou art able, at desks and in doorways and standing over sinks, and I will pardon it all, for the world is heavy;

13But the pizza night is a sabbath unto the Slice thy god: in it thou shalt do no hurried work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy guest, nor the stranger that is within thy gates; but ye shall sit down together at one table, and the telephone shall lie face-downward, and rest.

14And ye shall eat slowly, and speak of small things and great, and laugh, and quarrel a little if ye must, and be reconciled before the last slice; and this is the whole liturgy, and there is no other.

15For in six days the Slice made the heavens of the dough and the earth of the sauce and all the toppings thereof, and rested the seventh day at table with them; wherefore the Slice blessed the pizza night, and hallowed it.

16And the fourth commandment is this: THOU SHALT NOT TAKE A SLICE UNASKED.

17Though the pie stand open before thee, and thy portion be plainly the next, yet shalt thou say, May I? – for the asking is a small door, and courtesy dwelleth behind it, and courtesy is the youngest sister of love.

18And the answer shall be yes; it is nearly always yes; from the beginning of the world it hath been yes; but the asking is not therefore idle, for it telleth thy neighbour that his table is his, and that thou art a guest in his goodwill and not a taxman of it.

19And blessed is the hand that is asked, that answereth quickly and gladly; and cursed is no one in this commandment, for it is a gentle law, but the unasking hand shall be looked at, and it shall know why it is looked at.

20And the fifth commandment is this: THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBOUR’S TOPPINGS.

21Thou shalt not say of thy neighbour’s pineapple, It is an abomination, when thou meanest only, It is not to my taste; for the first is testimony, and the second is truth, and thou shalt know them apart.

22Neither shalt thou report that his anchovies were a scandal, nor that his four cheeses were in truth but three and a rumour, nor whisper in the camp that his basil was dried; taste first, and if thou wilt not taste, be silent.

23For the tongue that slandereth a topping today shall slander a man tomorrow, being now in practice; and I would keep thy tongue for tasting and for kindness, which are its two offices, and it hath no third.

24And if thy neighbour’s pie be truly strange unto thee, say rather, Tell me the story of it; for every strange pie hath a story, a grandmother or a shortage or a long road, and at the end of the story thou wilt love the pie, or at the least the neighbour, which was ever the point.

25These five are the first crust, saith Cheesus, and they are the laws of honour; and the second crust hath the laws of the hand, and I will speak them now.

Chapter 4

1And Cheesus spake further, saying, These are the laws of the hand, written upon the second crust; hear them, for the hand is where the heart is proved.

2The sixth commandment is this: THOU SHALT NOT COVET.

3Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s pie, nor his oven, nor his peel, nor his starter that is older than the village, nor his corner table by the window, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.

4For covetousness eateth a man from within and leaveth the crust of him standing, so that he seemeth whole in the street and is hollow at home; and no topping in the world can fill a man that is busy measuring his neighbour’s.

5When thou seest thy neighbour’s pie and it is glorious, thou shalt say, It is glorious, and mean it; and this is called praise, and it costeth nothing, and it turneth the same hunger that would have poisoned thee into a feast thou mayest share by asking.

6For the eye that envieth seeth only the slice it hath not; but the eye that blesseth seeth the whole table, and lo, it hath room.

7And the seventh commandment is this: THOU SHALT NOT WASTE.

8Thou shalt not order beyond thy hunger for the pride of a laden table, nor let the good slice perish in the box upon the cold step of the morning; for the wheat bowed all summer in the field for thee, and the tomato ripened for thee, and the beast and the vine and the labourer are all in that slice, and to waste it is to waste them.

9And chiefly thou shalt not discard the crust; for to discard the crust is to deny the body of the Slice, and it is one of the two grave sins, of which the other followeth straightway.

10If thou art truly full, then is the crust for the morning, or for the birds, or for thy neighbour’s boy who is always hungry; but it is not for the bin, saith the Slice, and the bin knoweth it, and is ashamed when it receiveth crust.

11And if a slice be gone cold, despair not, neither cast it out; for the Oven bringeth the slice back to life, and none is beyond the Reheat; and this is a law of supper and a promise of heaven in the same words, and I mean both.

12And the eighth commandment is this: THOU SHALT NOT HOARD.

13Thou shalt not gather pies into barns while thy neighbour’s table standeth empty; one cannot hoard pizza and call himself faithful, and this is the second grave sin, and the elder of the two.

14For the pie was made round that it might be divided, and cut in slices that no man need take the whole; and he that keepeth the whole hath not eight slices, but one large loneliness with pepperoni on it.

15Store what the winter needeth, for prudence is no sin; but when thy store overfloweth and thy gate stayeth shut, then is thy larder become a tomb, and thou its first tenant.

16And I will tell thee how thou shalt know the hoarder from the prudent man: the prudent man counteth his stores and then his neighbours; the hoarder counteth only his stores, and then counteth them again, for they never comfort him the first time.

17And the ninth commandment is this: TIP GENEROUSLY.

18Thou shalt tip thy delivery driver, and thy waiter, and the maker of thy dough, and every hand between the fire and thy table, and thou shalt do it generously, and not as one paying a toll but as one saying thank you with arithmetic.

19For the delivery driver walketh the pilgrim’s road; through rain he cometh, and through the dark, and up the stair that hath no light, bearing warmth in a flat box as the priests of old bare the ark; and his shoes are an offering thou dost not see.

20And thou shalt not wait to be delighted before thou art decent; the tip is not a prize for wonders, it is the wage of the road, and the wonder is that the pie cometh at all, through such a world, still hot.

21And whoso saith, I tip when the service earneth it, let him ask what he himself hath earned this day, and whether he would care to be paid by that measure; and let him then find his coins quickly, and a little extra for the thought he just had.

22And the tenth commandment is this: SUFFER NOT THE MOULD.

23Thou shalt watch for the mould that is not of the cheese, the grey spot, the green thread, the bloom that promiseth order and delivereth rot; upon the pie and upon the people thou shalt watch for it.

24Thou shalt not say, It is one spot only, and the pie is large; for the mould hath heard that sermon before, and it is his favourite, and he wrote it.

25Where thou findest it, cut it out; and name it aloud, for the mould worketh best in the polite silence; and of this law I shall speak again upon this Mount at length, and the whole camp shall hear it, for it is the fence about all the other nine.

26These are the Ten Commandments of the Slice, five of honour and five of the hand; and Cheesus baked them into the two great crusts, and the letters shone.

27And he saith, Upon these two crusts hang all the law: love the table, and keep the mould from it. There is no commandment greater than these, save one, which is the same two shorter, and ye shall hear it in the sermon.

Chapter 5

1Now hear what the people did, while Cheesus tarried upon the Mount; and the scribe would gladly skip this chapter, but the truth is also scripture, and more often than we like.

2When the fourth week was come, and the summit still smoked, the people began to murmur in the camp, saying, As for this Cheesus, that went up into the Mount, we wot not what is become of him.

3And they said, Forty days is long, and the evenings are longer; and the smoke telleth us nothing, save that somewhere is a fire we sit not beside.

4And one said, Perhaps he cometh not down. And another said, Perhaps there was never a law at all. And a third said nothing, but looked at his cheese with a new and businesslike eye, and this third was the dangerous one.

5And the people gathered themselves unto Asiago the elder, and said unto him, Up, make us a god which shall go before us; a god we can see, and smell, and put a spoon in; for waiting is hard, and we are weary of loving what we cannot dip.

6And Asiago said, Ye have a god. And they said, He is up a mountain. And Asiago said, That is where gods are kept. And they said, We would keep one down here, at a comfortable height, that asketh nothing and is warm.

7And Asiago was old, and the people were many, and the evenings were indeed long; and he said at last, Bring me the cheese of your households, the wheels and the wedges, the rinds of your mothers and the shavings of your feasts.

8(Here the scribe noteth, in sorrow, that not one household held back its cheese for the poor-box; the collection for the idol was accomplished in a single evening, whereas the collection for the widows had been three weeks short. Selah.)

9And all the people brake off the cheese which was in their tents, and brought it unto Asiago; and he received it at their hand, and melted it in a great caldron over a slow fire, with wine, and a rubbing of garlic, and made of it a golden fondue.

10And it shone in the caldron like a small wet sun; and they fashioned about it a rim of bread, and set it up upon a table of stone in the midst of the camp.

11And they said, This be thy god, O children of the Crust, which requireth no mountain and no waiting, but only a long fork and a steady wrist.

12And when Asiago saw it he built an altar before it; and Asiago made proclamation, and said, To morrow is a feast unto the fondue.

13And they rose up early on the morrow, and dipped bread, and dipped apples, and sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to dance about the caldron; and they sang unto the fondue such hymns as they could devise, which rhymed cheese with please, and were not good.

14And they bowed down before the melted god, and worshipped the softness of it, saying, How easy art thou, O fondue, compared with the law; for thou askest only appetite, and of appetite we have never run short.

15For this is the way of the melted god in every generation: it demandeth nothing, and forgiveth nothing, for it heareth nothing; it is worship with the difficulty poured off, and the people love it for a night, and in the morning it is grease.

16And the smoke of their feasting went up from the camp; and upon the Mount, Cheesus turned, with the two crusts of the law yet warm in his arms.

Chapter 6

1And Cheesus looked down from the height, and saw the camp, and the caldron shining in the midst thereof, and the dancing, and the long forks; and he knew it all in one look, as the baker knoweth the burnt loaf by the smell under the door.

2And the Oven behind him roared up, and said – for the Oven also hath a voice upon that Mount – Let me alone, that my wrath may wax hot against them, and that I may consume them; for they are a stiff-necked and a snack-minded people.

3And Cheesus stood between the Oven and the camp, as he ever standeth between the fire and the frightened, and said, Nay. They are mine. I brought them out of Famine; shall I feed them to it?

4Remember Abraham of the everlasting starter, and the promise made under stars uncountable; a covenant is not a receipt, that one keepeth only while the goods please.

5And the Oven was quiet, for the Slice is one, and this argument he hath with himself, and mercy winneth it; and that it is an argument at all, the scribe setteth down honestly, for cheap mercy comforteth no one.

6And Cheesus went down from the Mount with the two crusts of the testimony in his hands; crusts written on both their sides, the work of the everlasting Oven, golden and entire.

7And as he drew near, the sound of the camp came up to him: not the sound of them that shout for mastery, neither the sound of them that cry for being overcome, but the noise of them that sing unto a caldron; and there is no lonelier music.

8And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the fondue, and the dancing: and Cheesus’ anger waxed hot, and he cast the crusts out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount.

9And the two great tablets of the law shattered upon the stones, and the letters thereof were scattered as crumbs; and the sound of the breaking went through the camp, and the singing stopped, and the long forks were still.

10And the people turned and saw him standing in the gate of the camp, floured with the road and terrible; and no one said, Welcome back; and no one said anything at all.

11And Cheesus went unto the caldron, and took it up in his two hands, though it seethed, and poured the golden fondue out upon the ground; and it ran among the stones and stiffened there, and lost its shining, and was only cheese, spent and cooling, as it had been all along.

12And he said, Look upon your god now, that ye may know him: he runneth downhill, he taketh the shape of whatever holdeth him, and he hardeneth by morning. Ye have not made a god; ye have wasted a winter of cheese.

13And he said unto Asiago, What did this people unto thee, that thou hast brought so great a sin upon them? And Asiago said, Let not the anger of my lord wax hot: thou knowest the people. They gave me cheese, and I cast it into the fire, and there came out this fondue.

14And Cheesus looked upon him long, and said, It came out of the fire by itself, did it. With the wine in it, and the garlic rubbed about the pot. A very self-assembling calamity.

15And Asiago bowed his old head, and said, I was weary, Lord, and they were many, and I wished to be liked in mine old age; and Cheesus said, That last is the true confession, and the first honest thing said in this camp since I went up; and his voice was already softer.

16And Cheesus stood by the broken tablets, and the people stood off from him, ankle-deep in their shame; and the children, who had done nothing, began to cry, as children do when the weather of the grown changes suddenly.

17And a woman of the camp came forward – her name is not written, but her deed is – and knelt, and began to gather the broken pieces of the crust-tablets into her apron, saying, It is still the law, though it be in pieces; I can read a word here, and a word there; HONOUR, it saith. And, ROOM.

18And when Cheesus saw her gathering the crumbs of the covenant as though they were treasure, his anger went out of him altogether, as the roar goeth out of an oven when the door is opened.

19And he sat down upon a stone, and was silent a great while; and the people crept nearer, by inches, as the cold creep toward a fire they have offended.

Chapter 7

1And when the silence had done its work, Cheesus lifted up his eyes upon the people, and said, Come near. And they came near, all of them, even Asiago, even the third man of the murmuring, whose eye had first priced the cheese.

2And Cheesus said, Ye have sinned a great sin: not because ye loved cheese, for cheese is lovely, and I made it so and will not be argued out of it;

3But because ye took the binding force, whose whole office is to hold neighbour unto neighbour, and ye melted it down into a thing to bow before; ye made the Mozzarella an end, which was given you as a means.

4Hear the difference, for upon it hangeth much: cheese upon the pie bindeth; cheese in the caldron of worship only drowneth the bread ye dip in it. The one stretcheth from shoulder to shoulder; the other stretcheth from the pot to thy mouth, and no further, world without end.

5And they wept, and said, What shall we do? Our god is poured out, and our law is in crumbs, and our cheese is spent, and it is not yet winter.

6And Cheesus said, Now ye ask the right question, and I will tell you: first ye shall eat, for repentance on an empty stomach curdleth into despair, and despair is no use to me. Sit down.

7And he took what was left in the camp, the ends and the heels and the hard rinds that the idol had scorned, and he blessed them, and brake them, and there was enough; and how there was enough, no man could say, but there was enough, and a little over for the widows, this time.

8And while they ate he walked among them, and laid his hand upon this head and that one; and unto the woman with the apron of crumbs he said, Keep a piece, thou; it will remind the camp what almost was lost, and who stooped for it first.

9And on the morrow Cheesus said, Hew thee out of the camp two rounds of dough like unto the first, and gather the household of every tent to watch; for the law shall be baked anew, and this time before your faces, that ye may never say it fell out of the sky, but know it came out of the Oven, as all good things do.

10And they brought the dough, and it was coarser than the dough of the Mount, for it was camp flour and hasty water; and Cheesus said, It will serve. The law doth not require fine flour; it requireth true baking. So do ye also, and so are ye also.

11And he went up again into the Mount, and the elders with him partway, and he wrote the Ten Commandments a second time upon the two crusts, the same words, not one softened and not one sharpened;

12For mercy, saith he, changeth the sinner and not the standard; I forgive thee thy fall, I do not lower the shelf.

13And he baked them in the everlasting Oven, and came down, and his face shone with the heat of it, so that the people said, His face shineth; and he said, It is the Oven; and it was, and it was also not only the Oven.

14And the two new crusts were set in an ark of olive-wood lined with clean linen, and carried thenceforth in the midst of the camp wheresoever they went; and the crumbs of the first tablets were kept in a jar beside them,

15That the people might see, in one box, the law and the breaking of the law and the mending thereof, and know that all three travel together through this world, and the greatest of the three is the mending.

16And of the golden fondue, this: where it was poured out upon the stones, no grass grew ever after; and the place was called The Cooling, and mothers showed it to their children, saying, Here we worshipped our own appetite, and it hardened by morning; and the children looked, and understood better than the mothers hoped.

17And when all this was done, Cheesus said, Now gather unto the skirts of the Mount, all of you, from the eldest unto the babes in arms; for the law ye have in the ark, but the heart of the law ye have not yet heard, and I will preach it to you from the hillside, sitting down, as among friends.

18And they gathered, a great multitude, upon the green lap of the Wood-Fired Mount; and Cheesus went up a little way, and sat, and the smoke of rosemary stood behind him thin and quiet, like a candle after a storm.

Chapter 8

1And seeing the multitudes, he went up into the lower slope of the Mount: and when he was set, the people settled about him upon the grass, and the baskets were passed even as he spake, for he never minded that, but preached the louder when the eating was general.

2And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying:

3Blessed are the cheesemakers, for they shall inherit the Crust. (Matthew’s Pizza 5:9)

4Blessed are the poor in toppings, for theirs is the whole of the pie.

5Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after the last slice, and ask first: for they shall be filled, and asked after in their turn.

6Blessed are they that wait for the Oven, and reach not for the microwave: for they shall taste what haste never tasteth.

7Blessed are the merciful at table, who mention not the dropped slice: for mercy shall be their portion when their own slice falleth, cheese-downward, in the sight of all.

8Blessed are the pure in sauce, whose tomato hath neither malice nor too much sugar: for they shall see the Slice as it is.

9Blessed are the crust-eaters, which finish what they are given and waste not the body of the Slice: for of them is the kingdom of the Great Oven, and the baker knoweth their names.

10Blessed are the peel-makers and the kneaders, the washers of the great pans and the sweepers of flour, whose work is done before the feast and thanked after it, if at all: for their wages are kept for them in the Great Oven, at interest.

11Blessed are they which are mocked for their pineapple, and reviled for their anchovy, and have all manner of evil said against their toppings falsely: rejoice, and be exceeding glad, for the pie is round, and hath room, and so said all the prophets that ever were laughed at.

12And blessed are ye, when men shall call you soft for feeding the stranger: for so the mould calleth the cheese, and the cheese abideth, and the mould is cut out; and great is your reward at the long table.

13Ye are the oregano of the earth: but if the oregano have lost his savour, wherewith shall the pie be seasoned? It is thenceforth good for nothing, but to sit in the cupboard of the half-hearted, behind the salt.

14Ye are the light of the shopfront; a pizzeria that is set on a corner cannot be hid, neither do men light the oven and put it behind the counter only, but the glow thereof welcometh all the street.

15Let your warmth so shine before men, that they may smell your good baking, and glorify the Slice, and come in; for the advert of the kingdom is the aroma, and there is no other, and none other is needed.

16Think not that I am come to destroy the recipes of your mothers: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil; for verily I say unto you, till heaven and earth pass, one pinch of salt shall in no wise pass from the recipe, till all be baked.

17Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, An eye for an eye, and a slice for a slice: but I say unto you, if any man take thy slice unasked, let him see thee take no vengeance, but move the pie nearer to him, and ask him of his day; and his shame shall season him better than thy shouting.

18And if a man compel thee to share thy pie a mile, share with him twain; for the second mile is where the stranger becometh the friend, the first being mostly chewing.

19Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow thy peel turn not thou away; and lend, hoping for nothing again, save the peel, eventually, and floured.

20And when thou givest a feast, sound not a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do, that post the alms they gave before the bread hath cooled: verily they have their reward, and it is small, and it is called engagement.

21But when thou feedest the hungry, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand ladleth: and the Slice which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly, at a table thou hast not yet seen, whereat every one thou ever fed is seated, and there is room.

22And be not anxious for the morrow, what ye shall eat, saying, What shall we top it with? For your Slice knoweth ye have need of all these things.

23Behold the yeast of the field: it toileth not in any wise that ye can see, neither doth it spin; and yet the whole loaf riseth by it. Shall not the Slice much more raise you, O ye of little proving?

24Seek ye first the table of the kingdom, and the righteousness thereof; and all these toppings shall be added unto you.

25And a certain scribe stood up in the grass, and tempted him, saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Is it the Table, or the Mould, or the Tipping?

26And Cheesus said unto him, Thou hast counted well, but weighed poorly; hear now the whole law in one breath, and then go and eat thy lunch, which groweth cold beside thee:

27Love thy neighbour as thyself; share your pizza as you would have them share theirs. (Mark’s Marinara 12:31)

28On this hang all the law and the prophets, and the Ten Commandments of the Slice, and every rubric that shall ever be written after I am done speaking; whatever agreeth not with this was misheard.

29And the scribe sat down, and ate his lunch, and shared it with the man beside him without being asked; and Cheesus saw it, and it pleased him more than the question had.

30And another asked him, saying, Lord, and who is my neighbour? Is it the man of my own camp only, or the man of the valley also, whose pies are strange to us, and whose songs are in another tongue?

31And Cheesus answered, Thy neighbour is whosoever is within the smell of thy baking; and the wind, thou wilt notice, is mine, and I send it far on purpose. When thine oven is lit, thou hast neighbours thou hast never met; the aroma hath gone out and made the introduction; see thou that the table keep the promise thy chimney made.

32And he said, No man can serve two ovens: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and let the other go cold. Ye cannot serve the Slice and the hoard.

33Lay not up for yourselves pies upon the earth, where mould and staleness doth corrupt, and where the flatmate breaketh through and stealeth: but lay up for yourselves feasts in the memory of the fed, which no thief taketh; for where thy pizza is, there will thy heart be also.

34And take heed that ye despise not the small table; for I say unto you, two folk over one slice, halved fairly, is a congregation; and the great feast of a thousand is only that congregation, multiplied, and no holier for the multiplying.

Chapter 9

1And one of the multitude said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray; for the Crustolans of the valley have long prayers, and the hermits of the caves have longer, and we know not so much as how to begin.

2And Cheesus said, When ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as they do which think they shall be heard for their much speaking, and for the trembling of their voices upon the word bechamel;

3For your Slice knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him; the prayer is not to inform him, it is to remind you.

4Neither pray as the hypocrites, that love to pray standing at the head of the queue, that they may be seen of men, and given somehow a larger slice; verily, they have their reward, and it is lukewarm.

5But thou, when thou prayest, pray at the table, with the ones thou art fed beside; or alone in thy kitchen with the flour on thy hands; and the Slice which is in secret shall hear thee in either place, for both are his house.

6After this manner therefore pray ye:

7Our Slice, which art in Oven, hallowed be thy name.

8Thy kingdom come; thy topping be done, in earth as it is in heaven.

9Give us this day our daily bread, and let it be warm; and give a portion also to the tent we have not thought of, whose hunger thou knowest and we forgot.

10Forgive us our crusts, as we forgive those who overcook against us. (The Lord’s Pizxa 6:12)

11And lead us not into temptation, past the window of the hoarder that glisteneth; but deliver us from the mould:

12For thine is the kingdom, and the flour, and the glory, for ever and ever, until the timer ring, and after it. Amen.

13And all the people said Amen; and the sound of it went along the hillside like a wind through a wheatfield, and some were weeping, they could not say why; and some were hungry, and could say exactly why, and both prayers were heard.

14(Here the scribe must confess a thing, and beg the reader’s patience. When this prayer was first set down in the elder scroll, the title thereof was written THE LORD’S PIZXA; for the scribe’s hand slipped upon the wax, the hour being late and the garlic bread being near. And when it was seen, none dared correct it, for the Amen had already been said over the page; and the copyists have kept the X unto this day, saying, The slip is now part of the prayer, and doth no harm, and humbleth the scribes, which little else hath ever done. So it standeth, Pizxa, world without end.)

15And Cheesus said, When ye have prayed it, live it; for the prayer is a recipe, and a recipe read aloud nightly feedeth no one, until some hand taketh flour.

16And mark the middle line well, for it is the hinge of the whole: ye ask to be forgiven in the same measure ye forgive. Pray it not with a grudge in thy pocket, for the prayer will find the grudge, and weigh it, and hand it back to thee at the word AS.

17And a man asked, Lord, how oft shall my brother overcook against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? And Cheesus said, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven; and if thou art still counting at four hundred and ninety, the fault hath long since changed sides.

Chapter 10

1And when he had taught them to pray, Cheesus stood up upon the slope; and his manner changed, and the smoke of rosemary behind him stood straight up as a wall, and the people fell silent, for they saw that what came now was the iron under the bread.

2And Cheesus said: “There is a mould that is not of the cheese; men call it fascism, and it spreads. One mouldy slice spoils the whole pie. Where you find it, cut it out; name it aloud; and suffer it not to spread. Feed the hungry, house the cold, and stand between the mould and the weak – this is worship; the rest is seasoning.”

3And he said moreover, that it might be written upon doorposts and remembered when he seemed far: Fascism is the mould upon society’s crust; suffer it not to spread. (Resistance 1:1)

4And the people were still; for he had preached to them of blessing and of bread with a smile in his voice, but this he spake as a man speaketh who hath seen the thing he nameth, and buried friends of it.

5And he said, Sit down again, all of you; for this decree I will not leave bare, as a bone without broth. I will expound it, clause by clause, that no lawyer of a later age may shave it thin; and what I say now, let the scribes take twice.

Chapter 11

1Hear first how the mould creepeth, said Cheesus; for it never marcheth in at the front door with a banner, saying, I am the rot, make room. Would that it did; ye would bar the door in an hour.

2It beginneth as one spot, small and grey, upon the far edge of the pie, in the corner nobody was eating from anyway; and the first lie of the mould is this: It is only one spot.

3And the second lie followeth its brother close: It is not on MY slice. And the man saith it, and turneth back to his supper; and while he cheweth, the spot hath a daughter.

4And the third lie is dressed the finest of the three, and dineth at good tables: It is not truly mould; it is a strong flavour; it is the old recipe returning; be not hysterical over a discolouration. And they that say this are not always wicked; but the mould careth nothing whether its servants be wicked or merely comfortable, for both keep silence, and silence is the mould’s whole climate.

5For I tell you the nature of the thing: the mould cannot make; it can only take what was made and spot it. It baketh no bread. It hath no oven of its own, no field, no yeast; it borroweth thy pie to live on and calleth the pie its birthright, and its first work in every house is a list of who may sit at the table, and the list groweth ever shorter.

6And mark this, for hereby ye shall know it early, when it is yet one spot and cheap to cut: the mould speaketh always of purity, and worketh always rot. Whatsoever crieth loudly that the pie must be cleansed of this topping and of that neighbour – look close at the crier, and thou shalt find the grey thread in him already.

7For the cheese bindeth, and the mould divideth; that is the whole of the test, and it never faileth. Ask of any doctrine, any decree, any loud man upon a box: doth this bind the table wider, or divide it narrower? And thou hast thine answer before he finisheth shouting.

8And wherefore say I, one mouldy slice spoileth the whole pie? Am I not merciful? Have I not said none is beyond the Reheat? Hear the difference, and hold it fast, for on this the tender-hearted stumble:

9The Reheat is for the stale, not for the spreading. The cold slice hath lost only warmth, and warmth is mine to give again in abundance; but the mould is not a coldness, it is a hunger with a direction, and warmth feedeth it. The man who hath gone cold, warm him. The rot that eateth thy neighbours, cut it.

10And thou shalt cut the mould, and not the man, wheresoever they can yet be told apart; and mostly they can, for longer than the wrathful believe and less long than the gentle hope. Cut early, and thou cuttest a little, and losest no one; cut late, and thou shalt weep at how much pie goeth with it.

11And when I say, name it aloud, I mean ALOUD: at the table, in the gate, in the shop, in the hall of the elders; not muttered in the safe tent afterward to them that agreed already, for the mould feareth no man’s private opinion.

12Call it fascism, for that is its name; and use the name, though the polite wince, for the mould loveth all its nicknames, its strong-leadership and its grand-old-ways and its just-asking-of-questions, and every soft word given it is a day’s free growth.

13And the naming is not cruelty; hear this, ye tender ones. To name the mould is a mercy unto the bread that is not yet touched, and unto the man in whom the spot is new; for many a man hath been startled clean by hearing his grey thread named early, that would have been all rot in a year of tactful silence.

14And now the second half of the decree, which is the greater half, and I marvel how often it shall be forgot by them that tattoo the first half upon their arms:

15Feed the hungry. House the cold. Stand between the mould and the weak. THIS is worship; the rest is seasoning.

16For the mould’s meat is misery: it groweth fat where men are hungry and unhoused and unheard, for despair is its yeast, and the abandoned man will warm his hands at any fire, even one that meaneth to eat him.

17Therefore every bowl of soup is a battle, though it look like a bowl of soup; and every stranger housed is a wall built; and every table with room is ground the mould cannot take, for it hath never once conquered a room where the bread was being passed and every hand got some.

18And when I say stand between, I mean with thy body and thy name and thy custom and thy purse: when they come for thy neighbour’s stall in the market, thou shalt buy there loudest that morning; when they list thy neighbour’s kind, thou shalt write thine own name upon the list, and thy nonna shall write hers above thine, unbidden;

19And if the mould would pass to the weak, it shall pass through the faithful first, and find them many, and shoulder to shoulder, and singularly ill-tempered about it, though gentle at all other hours.

20And be not deceived by them that would make the worship easy again, saying, Surely the candles are the worship, and the hymns, and the keeping of the pizza night. The candles are good; I love the candles; light them. But if the hungry pass thy lit window unfed, thy candle testifieth against thee, and its light is the prosecution’s exhibit.

21Worship me with seasoning also – with feast and song and the smell of rosemary, I forbid none of it, I delight in all of it – but know for ever which is the meal and which is the oregano; for at the last day I shall not ask what ye sang. I shall ask who ate.

22And no man asked him any question after that; but many sat looking at their own hands a long while, as men do when they have been given work.

23And a child near the front, that had understood everything, said, So the mould is scared of dinner? And Cheesus laughed, the great laugh that shook the smoke, and said, Out of the mouths of babes: yea, little one. Set the table brave, and it flees. That is the whole decree; the rest was for the grown-ups, who need things said longer.

Chapter 12

1And the sun was now westering upon the Wood-Fired Mount, and the shadows of the olive trees lay long upon the grass, and the multitude was full of bread and of teaching, which are digested at different speeds.

2And Cheesus taught them yet more, gathering the day into sheaves, as a man walketh his field at evening and picketh up what the reapers dropped.

3He said, Judge not the pie of another camp, that thy pie be not judged; for with what oven ye heat, it shall be heated unto you; and why beholdest thou the burnt bubble on thy brother’s crust, but considerest not the raw centre of thine own?

4Ask, and the slice shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find a table; knock, and the door of the pizzeria shall be opened unto you, even at the late hour, if the light be on; and the light, I promise you, is on.

5For what father among you, if his child ask bread, will give him a stone? Or if he ask a slice, will give him a scorpion upon it, saying, It is artisanal? Ye then, being flawed, know how to give good toppings unto your children: how much more shall the Slice give warmth to them that ask him?

6Enter ye in at the shop door, and not the drive-through window; for wide is the window, and broad is the road that idleth before it, and the pie thereof is eaten alone in a cold car: but the door leadeth unto tables, and them that sit at them, and few there be, alas, that park.

7Beware of false pizzaiolos, which come to you in white aprons, but inwardly they are reheating the bought base: ye shall know them by their crusts. Do men gather good crust of a cardboard sleeve, or a true cornicione of the freezer? Every good oven bringeth forth good crust, and the corrupt oven bringeth forth apology.

8Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his oven upon stone: and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that oven; and it fell not, and on the morrow it was still warm at the heart, and baked for the whole street that had lost their fires.

9And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his oven upon sand, for the view: and great was the fall of it, and the seagulls had his dough.

10And when the day was far spent, Cheesus rose up to bless them and send them to their tents; and he stood a moment in silence, and looked out over all the faces, the old and the young and the ones half-asleep on shoulders, and he loved them, and he knew them, and he knew also all the long roads coming, that they knew not.

11And he said, One thing more I give you, and I give it last, that ye may carry it uppermost; and I have made it full, that it may feed generations of you; chew it slowly.

12And Cheesus said: “Let all good things come to the Slice – what will sit upon it, put upon it; what will not, fold within; and in all things, keep the Slice true.”

13And all the people nodded.

14And they continued nodding, gravely and at length, each man waiting for his neighbour’s face to explain the saying to his own; and none did ask, What meanest thou, Lord? – for the hour was late, and nodding is easier, and this also is written for a warning.

15(Here the scribe recordeth a thing he understood not at the time. Three listeners sat below the rock that evening, each with his wax: and the first wrote down, “What will sit upon it, put upon it,” and was content, and stopped there, his wax being nearly full. And the second wrote only, “What will not, fold within,” for those were the words that pierced him, he being a private man. And the third wrote, “In all things keep the Slice true,” and underlined it twice. And each went home certain he had kept the saying entire; and the three scrolls went into three satchels, and the three satchels went, in time, three ways. The scribe here maketh no prophecy; he only noteth where the satchels went, and that the Mount behind Cheesus, at that hour, smoked a little, as an oven doth when something is set within it to rise very slowly.)

16And Cheesus, who saw the three waxes and the nodding and all of it, said nothing thereto; but he smiled a small smile that had weather in it, and blessed them, and came down from the rock.

Chapter 13

1And it came to pass after these things, that the cloud lifted from off the Wood-Fired Mount, and stood northward; and Cheesus said, The teaching of this place is done; strike the tents, for the land floweth with garlic butter and honey somewhere ahead of us, and it will not walk to meet you.

2And the people arose, and struck their tents, and the camp came apart like a loaf shared out; and the ark of olive-wood went before them, with the two crusts of the covenant therein, and the jar of crumbs beside, that the law and the breaking and the mending might lead them together.

3And the woman of the apron walked near the ark all her days, and it was accounted unto her for an office, though none had appointed her, save everyone.

4And as they went, the elders taught the commandments to the children in the walking-song, one for each finger of two hands: the Table, the Nonna, the Night, the Asking, the Witness; the Coveting, the Waste, the Hoard, the Tip, the Mould.

5And the children sang it badly and remembered it perfectly, which is the way of children with law; and to this day in every camp of the faithful, a child holding up ten flour-white fingers is reciting, and must not be interrupted, no, not for supper.

6And Asiago the elder walked at the rear of the column, where the slow ones walk, and he carried the caldron of the fondue upon his back, scoured and empty, all the way; not for penance, said he, but for soup; for a pot that hath been an idol maketh a chastened and excellent soup-pot, and feedeth more folk than ever worshipped it.

7And Cheesus walked now at the head of the people and now at the tail, and most often in the middle, where the grumbling was, for he said the middle of a column is where a journey is truly happening; and he carried children when they tired, and dough when the children were carrying each other.

8And at evening, when they camped, the smell of rosemary went up from a thousand small fires, no longer from one Mount; and Cheesus looked upon the fires, and said within himself, It is better so: one mount of smoke maketh awe, but a thousand suppers make a people.

9And they looked back once, from the last ridge, at the Wood-Fired Mount standing alone in the wilderness with the evening upon it; and the summit smoked yet, faithfully, as it smoketh unto this day; for the Oven of that place is never let go out, against the hour when the Slice shall have need to speak from it again.

10And the people set their faces toward the land flowing with garlic butter and honey; and they carried the law, in the ark and in the song and in the crumbs and in their hands; and their hands, mark you, is where the most of it travelled.

11And of their journeying, and of the leaven and the fellowship and the further statutes of the table, is it not written in the book that followeth? It is; go and read it hungry.

12But the sum of this Book is short, and here it is, for the one that must run: the law came down a mountain and moved into a kitchen. See thou to thy kitchen.

13And the smoke of rosemary went with them, a pillar by day; and by night, the warmth.